How to be an Alien, czyli stereotypowy Brytyjczyk, cz. 1

Czym wyróżniają się Brytyjczycy spośród pozostałych Europejczyków? George Mikes, urodzony na Węgrzech brytyjski dziennikarz i pisarz w swojej książce „How to be an Alien” kreśli bardzo zabawny obraz Anglika, nazywając Anglię „krajem egzotycznych osobliwości”. Powstała w 1946 roku książka, mimo iż prześmiewcza, zyskała sobie sympatię Anglików i cieszy się nią do dziś. Z jakich cech tego autoironicznego narodu szydzi Mikes?

THE MOST IMPORTANT RULES
 
In England, everything is the other way round.
When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles – but never England.
On Sundays on the Continent even the poorest person puts on his best suit, tries to look respectable, and at the same time the life of the country becomes gay and cheerful; in England even the richest peer or motor-manufacturer dresses in some peculiar rags, does not shave, and the country becomes dull and dreary.
On the Continent there is one topic which should be avoided – the weather; in England, if you do not repeat the phrase "Lovely day, isn't it?" at least two hundred times a day, you are considered a bit dull.
On the Continent Sunday papers appear on Monday; in England – a country of exotic oddities – they appear on Sunday.
On the Continent people use a fork as though a fork were a shovel; in England they turn it upside down and push everything – including peas – on top of it.
On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.
On the Continent almost every nation whether little or great has openly declared at one time or another that it is superior to all other nations; the English fight heroic wars to combat these dangerous ideas without ever mentioning which is really the most superior race in the world.
Continental people are sensitive and touchy; the English take everything with an exquisite sense of humour – they are only offended if you tell them they have no sense of humour.
People on the Continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth.
Many continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.
Na podstawie fragmentów książki „How to be an Alien” George’a Mikesa